2nd March to 11th March

Welcome to my first post. It's a bit long because I got carried away but have a read and enjoy. I've edited the original a fair bit so the kids can have a read but I still rate it PG ;-)... This is me we writing this after all!! Leave some comments if you like and I'll try to respond.

My new mobile phone number is +44778 765 4331 and address is 69 Mendora Road, Fulham, London, SW6 7ND

Sunday 1/3/09

Got into the plane for Melb at about 8.30 and was wiping tears away and trying not to cry for a good 20 min :p... Out of Melbourne I flew to Hong Kong (I slept most of the way on the skybed – the seat is electric and spreads out into a bed). Got into HK early their morning and went into the lounge and sat on the computer for a few hours. Boarded the plane later and we sat there for 2 hours coz they had to replace an oxygen mask for the pilot but they couldn’t find one, morons. Eventually took off and I watched a few movies and had a nap. Got to London at about 3.00pm and went to customs which only took about 15mins coz I was one of the first one’s there, yay!! Then got out and got on the train and arrived at Paddington station. Found the tube line I needed to get onto and carried my 2 tonnes of luggage up and down stairs, got out and found the hostel. Checked in and on the way to the dorm I saw a German midget who was wearing a leather jacket and florescent yellow sunglasses. I got to the dorm and thought to myself what am I doing here – but assured myself “it’s all part of the experience!” lol. Then went to internet cafe and started looking for housing, was in bed by 9.30.

Tuesday was spent on the computer looking for houses and jobs basically for the whole day – oh and I had pizza for lunch/dinner – ate heaps so I wouldn’t have to eat again lol... Tuesday night went and saw 2 houses, the first was crap coz it didn’t have a lounge room. Left there and went to next one but then started absolutely pissing down with rain and my poor little umbrella couldn’t cope so poor little me got a little bit wet... So, I’m walking up and down the road and I can’t find the street I’m supposed to go to next. Walk for about 1km and think nahh this has to be too far so walk back, still can’t find it. Asked a few ppl and they didn’t know either. Walked half way back up the road and stopped at a convenience store and checked the London maps they were selling and waiting for me to buy, but instead I put it back and walked off to which with dismay they stopped munching on their curry ;-) (they were Indians)... Missed the street again coz the names were weird so rang the bloke up and eventually found the place. Was ok but nothing special and the room was smaller than a prison cell. Get back in the rain, catch the bus to the tube and get back to hostel via the pub for a beer.

Wednesday was much of the same but I went and bought a UK sim card and took the half hour trip to North London and walked around Highbury (the home of Arsenal) and bought a ticket for a stadium tour. Got back to hostel and organised to see 2 more houses. Went and saw the 1^st one, was in a great spot near many amenities (eg pubs, convenience store, shops and pubs), flat was fairly new but room was really small. People were really nice. Then went to next place, the guy gave me a beer, we had a good chat and he showed me around. Was a bit more expensive than the other place but much bigger rooms and this dude was cooler (he had a projector set up with an Xbox hooked up to it lol). He said move in, I said we’ll see (I’m a cool negotiator you see :p).. The other ppl wrote to me on the way home saying they want me to move in so now I have a choice, but think about it over a good night’s sleep.

Thursday I awake to excitement because it’s Arsenal day!! Get ready, jump on the tube and go straight to the stadium. Get in to paradise and start the tour, OMG was awesome! Was in the change rooms, walked through the players entrance onto the field and sat in Arsene Wenger’s match day seat. Went to the Arsenal museum and glided through Arsenal’s history. Checked the time and I was running late for an appointment with the bank to open up my new account so raced back to the train and got to the bank a little late, oh well. Opened the account (which took over an hour – dude wouldn’t stop talking). Got back to hostel and rang the dude about the house and negotiated price down and said I’d be moving in that night. Packed up my gear and then some crazy ass German bloke started talking to me – was first conversation I had with somebody in there. Most of the others were French and couldn’t speak much English – which was a good thing since they were all ugly :-)... This guy was a complete nut job and wouldn’t stop talking and he smelt! Probably had too much sauerkraut or something... Eventually got out of there and had to drag my 2 tonnes of luggage back to the tube, up and down stairs, in the train, through Fulham to the house. Put my stuff in my room and the guy had ordered Thai food, so we ate that and then he says lets go out and celebrate. We have a few drinks then we go to a bar called Elk. I order my standard drink, double shot of vodka with a splash of cranberry to the pure amazement of the bar tenders. They couldn’t believe I drank it like that so they kept giving it to me for half price :-) mind you half price is 5pounds (A$12.50)!! We left there and went to another place called Opel. It was like a cave, quite weird. Had a few more drinks there and my new housemate (Jolyon) made friends with all of these random ppl. They all come back to our place and continued the party (most bars/pubs close at either 2 or 4 here). I went to bed, woke up at 1.30pm and half of the morons are still here. Interesting.

Lazed around Friday, got ready and went to an old work mate’s house for dinner. He had also invited another chick who used to work at Elders before I was there. She had emailed me the week before giving me all these tips about London and jobs etc. Was great to meet her and her boyfriend. They invited me to a party for the following Friday :-). Had a lovely dinner there and a great night. Got home at about 12 and went to sleep.

Saturday I woke up and the landlady was here. I organised the rent with her then she wouldn’t stop talking to me. I thought to myself that she was a bit loopy, which she is!! That took out all of Saturday coz the bitch wouldn’t stop talking. Had a nap and then got ready to go out with Jolyon again. We went out Saturday night and checked out 3 bars which was great! Then spent most of Sunday sleeping and once I got up I watched a few movies on the projector.

Monday I woke up with cold because the temp got to 1 degree that night and my room didn’t have central heating in it. Then I went downstairs and the psycho landlady was waiting for me to help her cut down all of the rose bushes in the garden (they had grown like trees 5 metres in the air). That took a few hours, up and down ladders etc. The whole place was full of rose bush clippings and she said she’d pay me 15pounds to cut them up and garbage them. I refused because I was sick and I couldn’t stand another minute with her. I went up to my room and started applying for some more jobs. This mole was smoking in the house and drinking bottles of white wine and was really starting to annoy me. I came out of my room and then I could smell different kind of smoke. I went down and had a go at her about her smoking in the house but she was too drunk to understand what was going on. I asked her if something was burning and she said “yes. Nobody would help me throw the clippings out so I’m burning them. Do you understand?” (she always says “do you understand” after everything she says, which is really annoying!!). I looked outside and the crazy bitch had started a small bonfire and had burnt most of the clippings! Absolute nut job. Oh and she has 2 big dogs with her, so before that she took the dogs out into her car (small 3 door ford fiesta) and left them in there for half the day while we were cutting the bush and she was setting fire to it. Best comment from her: “burning is generally illegal in London but I had no real other choice. I didn’t want to drag them through the house and get it all muddy so I started a small bon fire, do you understand?” Yes bitch, I understand you need to be put away in a mental hospital!! She’s staying in the lounge room (with the dogs) which leads on to the garden. The dogs have put mud everywhere in there and it now smells of dogs, cigarettes and a 60year old wrinkled alcoholic!!!! That was Monday.

Tuesday (10/3/09)I get up at 10.30am, go downstairs to make breakfast and it’s just me and the freak in the house. She had a glass of wine already and was talking about something to which I ignored. I said to her again not to smoke in the house and thankfully for her she listened. Tuesday I spent half the day applying for jobs and then I went out to do my grocery shopping. I was still sick so I thought some good old faikes would help me out. Got home and started cooking and everybody mentioned how good it smelt haha suckers... After dinner we watched another movie and then went to bed. At about 2.15am I thought I was having this dream because I heard this music but I woke up and it was still on. The crazy lady had turned the surround sound up full blast and woke everybody up. I was about to go downstairs and go mental at her but Jolyon beat me to it and politely asked her to turn it down (bloody poms and their politeness). She was hammered and had no idea what she was doing.

When I woke up on Wednesday I went to her room and asked the bitch when she was leaving to which she replied “today. But first I would like to see the cleaner, do you understand? Bla bla bla, crapping on about something so I just walked off before I beat her to a pulp with my hardboiled eggs!! Went back to my room and was there for the whole day until 7.30pm when I left for the pub to watch the Arsenal champion’s league match... I walked around to 5 different pubs and none of them were showing the Arsenal match! They all had the Man Utd match on – you see Fulham and Arsenal are London rivals so everyone hates each other. I rang up Jolyon who was going to meet me at a pub after work and thankfully he found a pub which had the Arsenal match on. Watched that, shouted with joy when we won (along with a few others), realised some other people were looking at me funny, then went home and watched Zoolander :-).. I think drunk ass must have been passed out in the garden because luckily she didn’t come out for a chat/drunken rambling of shit...