UK Trip with Karl
Karl came over to London on the 22nd of June and I picked him up from the bus station, it was so great to see a face from home. He, along with everybody on the street could tell how excited I was because I ran down the street and hugged him. After he settled in at my London family’s house we went to dinner at a very exclusive restaurant. I had booked it 4 weeks before in anticipation of Karl’s arrival. The restaurant is called Locanda Locatelli – owned and run by Giorgio Locatelli, one of my favourite chefs! We ended up getting a lobster pasta with tomatoes and olive oil. It cost £24 each plate, approx $50 lol but it was the best pasta I’ve ever eaten. Definitely improving the palate there :-). The next day was the start of many early mornings because we were up at 3.45 (well Karl was because I forgot to set my alarm hehe) and off to the airport for Edinburgh. We got to the city at about 8am and jumped on a sightseeing bus and I tell you what, Edinburgh is a beautiful city! It’s full of medieval architecture with a castle on the top of a hill looking over the city. They even tried building a replica, albeit small version, of the Parthenon but they ran out of money so it’s half built lol. The architecture and history in the city is stunning. We checked out the castle which was beautiful and we even tried some Scottish Whiskey (well I had a sip from Karl’s drink hehe). Karl had a mate who was staying in the hotel so we met up with him and his brother for dinner. We ended up going out later and what a night! We befriended these two man mountains at the bar, one was Scottish and the other a Bulgarian who lived there. They were 6”4ft and about 130 kilos of muscle. We were all buying drinks, I think the Jaeger bombs were €2.5ea so we smashed a few of those, ended up getting home at 4 and had to wake up at 5 to get the plane back to London. I was pretty tired at this stage so I wouldn’t wake up and Karl had to almost beat me up and drag me out of bed to wake up. The flight back was interesting too, I woke up half way through with the feeling that I really needed to go to the toilet in a hurry (and I’m talking about the top half of the body, not the bottom!) so up I got and as soon as I got in there I had a massive dry reach hahaha. Excuse the detail here but hey, what can you do? My face went from the colour of as a fully grown sunflower After one almighty dry reach – without any excretion – I felt better. So I decided to turn around and have a seat if you know what I mean ;-) unfortunately for the other passengers who needed to go to the toilet I fell asleep for who knows how long! The flight attendant had to start knocking on the door but that didn’t wake me up, what did wake me up was some loud annoying fkn buzzer in the toilet. When I got out the flight attendant and the 3 passengers waiting for the toilet gave me the biggest daggers haha, but that’s not my problem then is it ;-). When we got back we didn’t do much, just had a sleep. That night I took Karl around for a quick sightseeing session to Trafalgar Sq and a bridge (in Embankment) where you can see the London Eye, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. We had dinner at the now famous Pizza Express (upmarket pizza chain). On Thursday early morning we caught the train to Liverpool and got picked up by a tour guide for our Beatles tour. We were the only 2 on the tour which took us all around Liverpool to see where The Beatles members grew up, went to school, where John and Paul first met, the concert hall they first played at, the grave of Eleanor Rigby (Paul swears that it’s a name he just made up but he would always hang around the graveyard waiting for John to finish rehearsals with his other band – the priest’s name in the song is also on a grave 5 meters from Eleanor’s name so coincidence or maybe not???), and while there we also saw Bob Paisley’s grave (great Liverpool manager). We drove down to Penny Lane, the strawberry field gates (famous for something but I can remember), and heaps of other shit. Once that finished the guide was nice enough to drive us around where Xabi Alonso lives (I guess now he’s at Real Madrid he won’t live there anymore), Pepe Reina and some other dudes from Liverpool FC, then he dropped us off at Anfield where some other bodily fluid excreted from Karl lol. We did a stadium tour which was pretty cool actually, especially considering I’m an Arsenal fan. Karl was in his element, even to the point of shedding a little tear when he watched the video of Liverpool winning the Champions League against AC Milan – he was so cute :-). After that we headed home and it was time for a few going away drinks with a few good friends I’ve made along the way. I also ended up kissing the hotty from the last post lol. We also found out that night that Michael Jackson died. The next day on the train on the way to the airport Karl and I kept picking up the free newspapers they give you in London and making out we had just found out lol. We’d say, “oh my god is Michael Jackson dead?” with a very serious look on our faces and the people around us seemed surprised we hadn’t hear about it lol. That night we got to Greece and Mr Billy Pits (the father of my other best mate John) picked us up and drove us down to Vrahati (few k’s away from Corintho). Had dinner and a few beers at the restaurant of a distant cousin of Bill’s, which funnily enough was called Pitsadiotis Restaurant lol.
Vrahati (29/6/09 - 10/7/09)
On the Saturday (30/6) Bill and Karl dropped me off to the bus station and I took a bus up north in the Greek state of Macedonia (get it, the name is Greek not a fucking country that didn’t exist before WW2. Haha calm down you FYROMenese, just fkn with ya :p, well not really lol) , for those of you who aren’t sure of Southern European geography the name Macedonia is the name of a state in Greece from ancient times, not the name of a country that didn’t exist prior to WW2 and was only created by a dictator in order to cause further conflict in the region. Interesting stuff. Anyway I digress. The reason I went up there, to Ionnina to be exact, is that a cousin of mine had a motorbike accident and was in a coma, luckily he’s in rehab now, but at the time it brought back very painful memories. All his family and uncles and aunties were there as well, just waiting around in the hospital so wasn’t good, but he’s up and about now thankfully. Anyway I came back the next night and met up with Bill and Karl. Monday offered the first malakia of the trip lol. Bill was out for most of the day (a bit of it was spent buying paint and a scraper) because he was going to scrape a bit of mould off the wall that had accumulated over the year that the house was closed up. While he was gone Karl had decided to help him out a bit and start scraping the paint (I was on the rooftop sunbathing). When I got down I found Karl scraping the wall with a wooden spatula he found in the kitchen drawer. I decided to help as well so Karl got the metal egg flipper and we were scraping the paint/mould/wall off hahaha. It was coming off so easy that we decided to keep going and by the time Bill got back we had scraped away half of the wall lol. The look of shock on Bill’s face was priceless. It went from shock, to a sly grin to anger, then we hugged him and he was alright haha. At this point we scraped a bit more then started painting. Was actually a great day.
The next few days consisted of us 3 going down to Loutraki (famous for its water) near Corintho and sitting on the beach all day. On the Wednesday (1/7) night we drove to Athens to pick up John from the airport. It was fkn great having my two best friends with me again. The next few days were a repeat of the ones that preceded it, just lying on the beach with a bit of raketa (wooden bats/paddles hitting a ball to each other) and a swim here and there in between an icy cold beer :-). A young guy from Adelaide (Nick) who knows Bill and John through soccer got into contact with Bill so we went and picked him up on the Friday morning after visiting Keraskaki Stadium (Olympicos’ home stadium) in Pireaus. That night we went out in Loutraki to a bar which had a swimming pool in the middle (nothing unusual in tourist spots in Greece). We had a shit load of vodka and red bull and had heaps of laughs. Nick and I were chattin up 5 Greek chicks and got a photo with them lol.
Saturday marks a significant day in the trip as it was the birth of the word which will carry on, probably forever! John brought two masks with him, one a scary clown mask and the other a demon mask. He wore the clown mask during the day and started yelling out KLAON :-). You see John and I always put on a Greek accent like they have in Greece and say stupid things (started in ’04 when I came back from Greece saying “Super Paradise”). From then on everything revolved around the Claon! Some quotes which involve Claon and Greek accent for that matter: “Crazy Claon”; “Nice Pus”; “Nice Pus, shit face”; “Space Discoteque;” and quite a few more. That night we bought a bottle of Vodka and I felt like a bit of a tropical mix so we bought some exotic juices (well not really that exotic :p). I put a mix together and you guessed it, I named it “Claon Tzous” (juice). We went out to a club afterwards which flowed onto the beach called Chill Out (pronounced tsill ouuut). We got free drinks with the entry so I went up to the bar and ordered in Greek. The convo went a bit like this (translated): “I’ll have 4 Claon Tzous please.” Bar tender: “What’s that?” I explained to her what was in it and she was looking quite confused. After a little moment she said “Oh yeah I know that!” and starting making it. Of course we fkn pissed ourselves laughing because a) I actually ordered Claon Tzous and b) she made out she knew what it was so that she didn’t look like an idiot lol. We left pretty late and in the taxi on the way home Nick was feeling a bit sick and the cab driver was looking at him worried he’d be sick in the cab so I stepped in to sort out the situation. I said to him in Greek, “don’t worry about our mate, he’s just go a bit of hay fever, he’ll be alright!” We all started crying with laughter to which the cab driver got more pissed off about, but he still drove us home so that was alright – the dickhead.
Claon Joke
Claon Accent
Fire extinguisher
Mykonos 10/7/09 - 17/7/09
John, Karl and myself were there by ourselves on Fri and Sat until Jamie arrived at 6am on Sunday morning. We got back at 8am (we couldn’t get a cab and had to wait until 7am for the buses to start running again) and we found him waiting outside the hotel lol. We decided to go to the beach which was a bad idea. I fell asleep on a sunlounge and nobody could wake me up. Karl came back at about 11 and still couldn’t wake me up so he left me again. At about 1.30pm Karl and Jamie came back and I could hear Karl abusing me which finally got me up lol. I went to bed and got up at 5pm ready for another night :-)
On the Wednesday John and Karl were feeling a bit sick, as if a cold was coming along. That night was Nick’s last night with us so they went out but I stayed home because I was too tired. That was probably the best decision I made that week because the next day they were both pretty sick. When it came to Friday morning John was incredibly sick. He couldn’t move without feeling sick and he had a very high temperature. I wet some clean jocks and put it on his head while Karl wet a towel and put it on his body to cool him down a bit. His temperature wasn’t dropping so I started to get worried so I went for a walk with Karl to try and find a doctor. If John was physically a child lol or had a tooth ache we would’ve been fine because we passed 2 Paediatricians, 3 Dentists and a fkn Orthodontist but no Doctors!!!! Do you believe that? After walking around for 2 bloody hours I found a doctor and organised for him to come and check John. When the doc finally arrived he asked John if he had “slept with any Mexican or American women” which he of course didn’t and then Karl added “he has slept with Mexican men though.” Ended up he had Bronchitis so the doc prescribed a shit load of medicine so he would be ok to travel the 5hour ferry ride back to Athens that day lol. Luckily he was barely ok to travel otherwise our Mykonos trip may have been a bit longer and Contiki just a bit shorter.
SASA, the MC at Tropicana
John in his element
Contiki 19/7/09 - 5/8/09
London to Brussels Day 1
BELGIAN WAFFLES!!! That’s about all I have to say about Brussels.
I suppose a bit more. There was a lovely square there and some midget statue that pisses. It’s famous for the creation of the Smurfs and Rin a Tin Tin the kamikaze mongoose.
Brussels to Amsterdam Day 2
We got to Amsterdam in the afternoon and went on a boat cruise with unlimited Heineken on tap – good way to get to know a few people! We had a good chat with everyone and were well and truly lubricated for the sex show in the red light district, no pun intended! The sex show involved some fairytale storytelling, a few songs, fairy floss and a guide to healthy eating..... NOT, there was some sex and a few shows which involved our group. A chick on our group, Fanoula, had to eat a banana out of a chick’s pussy, she also got a dance from a black dude (apparently it’s true what they say). Jamie also got up and showed the dancer how he likes to dance sexy, which put all of us off lol. There was more sex and after a while I got dizzy watching them gam/pump on a spinning bed. Afterwards we went for a walk around the red light district and was interesting seeing them prosties dance around in the window lol.
The next morning we had a stop off at a Clog making factory which also made cheese. I think 85% of us felt quite sick once we walked in there because the equation of a night of drinking plus a 7.30am start coupled with a tour of a stinky cheese factory doesn’t equal in fun! The only thing that made it better was hearing Nel, the awesome bus driver, on the microphone just before we left the bus saying in his crazy accent “enjoy the cheese guys.” Oh and most of the cheese, apart from one, was shit!
Amsterdam to Rhine Valley Day 3
St Goar, Germany
We had a wine tasting session organised and it was run by what were surely some inbred Germans, a father son combo. They’re names were Karl and Boris (that wasn’t his name but John nicknamed him that because he looked like a retarded version of Boris Becker), Karl was the father and medal winning wine taster. He was so proudly wearing a medal he won as a wine taster in the ‘50s that looked like it was given to him out of those 20 cent machines that you turn and get a prize. He was also smashed and slurring his words which of course meant we were paying him out and laughing at him. Adam (now a great mate) and I were ripping into him and that’s where our friendship started from. The tour guide got really shitty and yelled at us like we were at school or something so we laughed at him as well. I took a photo with Karl and bought some very rare desert wine (Eise Wine or some shit) because he was wild.
Later that night we were sitting around a table outside of the pub/hotel we were staying at having a chat with everybody. It was only the 3rd night so everybody was still getting to know each other and were a bit shy. Up steps Johnny fkn Pits to break the ice. There were about 8 of the guys sitting around the table and John says “alright boys, whose box would you smash” and of course the guys pissed themselves laughing and the girls that heard were outraged hahaha. Afterwards I had my first conversation with one of the 3 favourites of the trip (along with Nel and Dom), Frank The Tank! It was magnificent. Oh and we saw the Rhine River there too :-).
Rhine Valley to Lucerne Day 4
While in Lucerne as part of the optional tours we went on a boat trip around the massive lake that surrounds the city. John was on the phone for quite some time as we were walking back to the hotel to drop some shopping off and for some reason instead of coming up to the room with us he stayed on the stairs. As Jamie and I came back down John ran up and that was the last we saw of him until after the boat ride because we just got there in time and John found us about 30 seconds after we launched haha. Rewinding back a bit, as we were walking on the boat the captain was there to greet us and everybody instantly knew he was awesome! Jamie’s first comment was “yesss, Bon Jovi!” and the captain started laughing. He was a splitting image of him. The cruise around the lake was beautiful, Lucerne is a magical place. The castle that sits facing the bay inspired Walt Disney’s castle in Disney land and a few years back a certain Michael Jackson tried to buy it but was unsuccessful for some reason. We also went out to the best named festival, The Blue Balls Festival, which was quite ironic for some of the guys on the trip haha :p.
Lucerne Day 5
This night we did a bit of a pub/club crawl and at one of the places I put on the jukebox one of our favourite songs from Mykonos which is You Know I Want You which turned out to be the unofficial song of the tour lol. It also turned out to be a good way to hook up with cutie on the tour – which ended up being quite a few nights in a row. John and Jamie thought it to be a good idea to continually take photos of it as well which ended up being a running joke with them. Lucerne was by far the most beautiful place we visited on the tour. So picturesque you couldn’t imagine, like something out of a magical cartoon (stop laughing at me John and Jamie :p that’s the best way to explain it). Oh and another highlight was getting a cable cart up to one of the mountains nearby and the view of the Swiss Alps was phenomenal. So good in fact that I’m returning to Switzerland in the near future. Plus I need to because I lost my fkn €55 Swiss Army knife!!
Lucerne to Munich Day 6
On the way to Munich we stopped off in Liechtenstein and a few of us boys sat at a restaurant/cafe to eat some lunch. We were sat just underneath the castle of the dude that owns the country/king or some shit, was pretty cool. However what was better was on the menu instead of writing simply beverages they wrote Recommended Beverages which we took quite a liking to. I can’t remember who but somebody asked if they could have a beverage which wasn’t recommended and the waiter was quite serious in his answer that we could only order the recommendations. After lunch Nel came riding past on his little fold up bike looking for the tour guide Dave. I told him I’ll look after his bike while he’s gone so instead of looking after it I went for ride in downtown Liechtenstein (all 70m of it). I tried to do a wheelie and pulled a bit too hard and luckily landed on me feet instead of my ass hehe. Apart from that and the hidden bank accounts whatever they’re called (like Swiss bank accounts) Liechtenstein was shit.
We go to Munich mid afternoon and was another beautiful city we went through. Unfortunately we were there only for a day but what better way to see it other than a bike tour. We had the best tour guide as well, a Hawaiian bloke from Hawaii ;-) living in Munich. He took us all around the city with the first stop being the famous Hofbrauhaus. The beer brand has its own German style pub/restaurant thing which has special links to WW2 because Adolf Hitler used to do speeches in there to the drunk Germans and brainwash them into Nazism. Our tour guide reckons if you look closely enough you can still see swastikas that have been painted over, however I reckon if you look closely enough at his mouth you can still see remnants of the shit he talks. We went around to a few other sites and along the way I had to ask our bike guide something but I forgot his name so I thought of a name that would be Hawaiian and I came up with Wahu. I don’t think he liked it because he told me to fuck off hahaha (his real name was Frankie, not very Hawaiian if you ask me though!). The bikes were awesome because you could lock the back wheels which was a great deal of fun on the dirt tracks we rode over :-). We also went into a park where one part of Oktoberfest is held and we tried the 1 litre glasses of Hofbrauhaus, very nice. During our beers and food it started to rain and of course we were about half an hour away from the bike base so we rode through pouring rain! We were absolutely drenched but it was a big highlight, so much fun riding in the rain literally soaking wet! We also went out that night which started at the Hofbrauhaus (with Jamie and I at a table with some yank chicks lol) ending up at a club and me owning the pole that I was dancing on with my Contiki sis Laura (another good friend who became like a lil sis, now known as my Contiki sis lol).
Munich to Venice Day 7
Austria
During our short stop in Innsbruck, the home of the Swarovski Crystal factory, we went and tried the famous Austrian Strudels in a shop apparently famous for them. What they should have been famous for was for a mole of a waitress who needed a slap in the face :-). Jamie and I went in to order (without knowing they come to serve you) and she was so ridiculously rude that she needed to be put in her place. After we tried the Strudels, which were ok but not really my thing, it was time for the bill. I asked one of the waitresses but nothing happened so by this stage my “I don’t give a fuck mood” really kicked into gear and I looked inside the shop at the mole yelled “Oi fuck nut, give me the bill!” There was a couple from Contiki who we hadn’t got to know that well at the time (the wild Dom and his fiancé Romina) who I think laughed out of shock, as did John and Jamie. After paying we moved on and I’m in my mood (I haven’t had much sleep so this mood I get into usually provides laughs and people wonder how I don’t get beaten up hahaha) and we go to the Swarovski shop. It was awesome inside, they had a display section with amazing crystals in all shapes and sizes. Admittedly we took a little bit too long in there trying to decide what to buy for various people. Jamie was quick so he left John and I there while we decided what to buy. I ended up buying a beautiful crystal for my sister (I can’t say what it is because I want to surprise her with it, although now she will be expecting it, oh well), a butterfly necklace for my little cousin’s birthday and a little frog necklace for either my mum or my god daughter/cousin. We eventually go to pay and the line was of course quite long as everybody decided to go and pay when we go. John and I were in a line and some old, short, hunchback man was taking forever! We had about 5 minutes before we had to meet the group and about 4 people ahead of us. Five plus minutes pass and he’s still there asking these stupid questions and my patience had well and truly worn out. I had been previously talking to John in Greek about what a moron this guy was and decided it was time he heard it firsthand so I said quite loudly “Hurry the fuck up you midget!” to which John burst out laughing while a person in the line looked around at me. John told me the old boy was Australian but I seriously doubt he heard me because it looked as though he had turbo powered hearing aides producing 4000 decibels of sound and he still couldn’t hear. We eventually made it about 15 minutes late just as the group started walking off to the bus.
We got to Venice that evening and John and I managed to snap yet another bed in the record time of 3 minutes! As soon as we got into the room I collapsed onto the bed and as John was walking past he whipped my foot with an iPod cable fairly softly so I told him to whip me on the back to show everybody how tough I was. Well he didn’t hold back and it fkn stung like crazy so my first reaction was to jump in the air and spin my body around so my ass was now facing the bed. I landed in a V shape with my ass the first to hit the bed and I went straight through with a few plastic sleeves that hold the wooden slats into place flying across the room and the slats which they were holding ending up on the floor. We all started pissing ourselves laughing which made the pain subside slightly. Luckily the 4 slats that fell weren’t broken so once John pulled me out of the hole in the bed I was stuck in we put them back and all was good.
Venice Day 8
While walking around in Venice John came across a shop (one of many mind you) that was selling Venetian masks. After trying on a few John and Jamie bought a mask each and decided to walk around with the masks on. After about an hour of listening to those two and Tania, Laura and Sara urging me to get one too I gave in and bought a mask and us three walked all around all of Venice with them on. People in sitting in restaurants and others walking past were stopping us for photos like we were part of an act or some shit lol. We also wore them on our Gondola ride and the walk to the pub to watch the Grand Prix lol.
As part of the Contiki optional dinners we decided to go on the one in Venice because it seemed like a fairly good deal (€29 for antipasto entree, 4 different types of pasta, desert and half a bottle of wine each). Of course like the previous dinners Contiki took us on this was shit. It made it even worse that we were sitting in an Italian restaurant owned and run by Mongol and Chinese guerrilla warriors with a couple of Viet Kong thrown in for good measure! As soon as we walked in I looked at John and Jamie and most probably swore a bit. The irony is a few weeks before John was saying he never eats at a restaurant run by kenezi (Chinese/Asians) unless it’s an Asian restaurant. Well we didn’t really have much choice so we ate the food and had a glass of wine. We weren’t planning on drinking much because we needed a break and Jamie was on antibiotics but at the end of dinner John turns to me and says “fuck this let’s get hammered to make the most of what we paid” so we started smashing the wine down. Thankfully it wasn’t bad so we smashed about 2 bottles in 15minutes before we left. I was so pissed off all the food we had been recommended by our fkn tour guide was absolutely shit – kind of discredits his claim of being a Sous chef working with a former Michelin star chef, either that or he has the palate of a dead donkey who drank urine its entire life – so I cancelled the rest of the dinners for us 3. Too bad for the culinary tour I was hoping for.
Venice to Florence Day 9 Hotel
On the drive we stopped at the leaning tower of Pisa which was exactly that – a poorly built shitty ass tower. I love my photo with it lol.
Now Florence really does provide a highlight story of the trip that if somebody on the trip was to suffer from insomnia they could never forget this moment. The craziness starts with Towers. Now a Tower is something unique to this pub that is kept alive solely by Contiki tours and it is literally a 3.5 litre tower of beer with a tap on the bottom. Most people get a tower between a few of them and share but John decided it was a good idea to get one each and started with classic John urging everybody to get one. Only two other idiots bought them (both close friends of mine now), Adam and Rhys. Instead of drinking it with a glass out of the tap they took the lids off and drank them from the top. After finishing them the one man shit band man opened the stage for karaoke and once I saw John and Adam up there I was waiting for something interesting. They get up there and start singing Baby hit me one more time from Brittany Spears and started acting like raging homo sexuals on stage. Most people were laughing but we found out the next night that a closet homo sexual farm boy wasn’t too impressed and called them a disgrace to the nation hahaha. Whatever, it was fkn wild! Before they did this I was walking around with a jug of Sex on the Beach spreading the love with massive straws because it tasted so nice. Was a hilarious night!
Florence Day 10
Your day includes a walking tour seeing the Piazza della Signoria, the Duomo and Santa Croce, and a chance to shop for leather, gold and silver. In your free time maybe visit one of the city's many museums and this evening enjoy the colourful Florentine nightlife.
One word here: Space Discoteque ;-)
Florence to French Riviera Day 11
We did a drive into Monaco from Nice for dinner and thankfully that was quite nice, finally. We walked down to a casino which is next door the famous casino however this one is free to get into. The famous one you have to pay €10 to get into, however this still had a few Ferraris, Porsches and generally expensive cars. I was in the casino a bit but I don’t gamble so was quite boring, so instead a few of us went for a drink (€18 for a cocktail) at a bar which overlooked the harbour of yachts and also the start finish line of the F1 track. On the way back John, Jamie and myself stood under the tunnel of the F1 track.
French Riviera Day 12
This morning I tried to hire a car so John and I could drive around the track and all went well until I needed $2000 pre authorise the insurance excess!!! Instead we went to the beach and paid €14 for each sun bed for the day. Lunch was exceptional because a few of us went into the markets and bought fresh bread, salami, French cheeses, olives, tomatoes and a few bits and pieces and ate it Greek style under the shade of a tree and picking at everything. Although after buying all the food we realised that we didn’t have a knife to cut everything up with so as we were walking down the market centre past a number of restaurants and Adam saw a serrated knife on the table so he casually walked up and took the knife and hid it in his hand and off we went. What’s better than that is when we finished lunch we cleaned the knife and he and Rhys walked back to the restaurant with it, put it on the table and left a €1 tip hahaha.
French Riviera to Barcelona Day 13
Just after we got into Spain we stopped at a service stop and Rhys was sitting at the same table as the Bus Driver Nel. Nel was eating a salad and Rhys said something to him along the lines of he’s eating Rabbit food (not 100% sure because I heard the story 2nd hand and although it doesn’t involve me it’s too good not to tell). Nel’s response was something like “haha yes, I eat like rabbits and I also fuck like rabbits.” At first we didn’t believe Rhys but he was very, very adamant that that was what Nel said. Our belief was further reinforced when after the tour ended we bumped into him at the pub at the hotel we were all staying at and he pulled out a photo that his girlfriend took of him and showed Rhys. Well this photo was too good for Rhys to have to himself so he told a few of us and we all had a look. The man is about 5ft10” and his penis was a 2ft tree trunk. He also came out with the comment that he doesn’t take women for a ride on his fold up bicycle unless they have sex with him first hahaha. He is something like out of a Japanese woman’s fantasy! Wild.
Barcelona Day 14
Ate some Tappas in the markets and did a bit of shopping.
Barcelona to Bordeaux Day 15
Stopped at a village within the walls of a Castle, was awesome! I bought a plastic sword and walked around the village with it in between my belt and pants.
Bordeaux to Paris Day 16
While on top of the Eiffel Tower some guy proposed to his girlfriend (awww how romantic lol – I wonder if it’s as romantic to propose at the Eiffel Tower in Vegas?) while Jamie was in the toilet. When he came back he found out somebody had proposed and John being the ass he is (lol sorry champ but you deserve that one :p) told Jamie it was me. Jamie actually believed him and had the biggest shock on his face. He realised John was joking when he burst out laughing. That night also saw John pull out the Claon mask on top of the Eiffel Tower lol.
Paris Day 17
On our free day in Paris us 3 slept in a bit and then caught a cab to the Arc de Triumph. The cab driver was awesome, he was trying to teach us a little bit of French and loved us when we told we were of Greek heritage. We told him Jamie was half Greek and half English so the cabbie said he didn’t like him in jest lol. Jamie got him back when were leaving by using feminine grammar for goodbye suggesting he was a woman, we all laughed and then got out. He was yelling out my name still when I was outside, I think he was a bit of a psycho. We were standing next to the Arc and John said lets run across. Jamie decline straight away and I put my foot on the road to run with John but I came to my senses and stopped right there. There’s about 7 lanes going around the Arc like a massive roundabout and on average there’s something like 1 car accident every 10 minutes or so with Insurance companies refusing to cover anybody on that roundabout. Amazingly John made it across alive after narrowly missing one car lol. After looking around the Arc it was time for lunch, and considering we were walking down Champs de Ellyees (lunch would’ve probably cost €50 each) we decided to get a quick lunch and save both time and cash in McDonalds – I know, I know eating McDonalds in Paris but what can you do. I picked what looked like a fast line (there were literally a few hundred people ordering lunch) and Jamie went to the one next to John and I. Half way through we were making good progress so Jamie came to our line, big mistake! We were waiting for about 15 minutes or so and realised there was a group of people ordering, one by one. They didn’t speak French so they had some bitch from the group translating for them. They were coming up from their seats one by one and ordering. We starting getting quite pissed off because we were tired and hungry and people previously next to us were starting to order. Well we started abusing them but they didn’t hear... yet. The line subsided but the bitch was still at the front and people still kept coming up. Now we were ripping into them and the people in the line behind us were pissing themselves laughing. Nobody else had come up so asked the bitch if she had finally finished and she says “no, I still have to order” so I replied “Oh for fuck sake. You’ve been here for two fkn days!” right in her face. She was speechless and turned around and ordered. By this time we had been in there for a bit over half an hour and kids who hadn’t been born when we got to the line were ordering their first happy meals! The bitch finished and we all started cheering and yelling about time! Now I go up to order and some crazy Chinese lady pushes through us to get to the front and Jamie puts his arm up and asks her what the hell she thinks she doing. She says in the most stereotypical Asian accent the line is taking too long and she’s going to complain. I told her we had been behind that bitch for two days and join the party. She’s freaking out about something and Jamie explains to her if she complains then it’s just going to take longer. She’s still freaking out so Jamie said to her “Shut the fuck up!” then she screams “you not tell me to shutting the fuck up!” and tries to raise her hand to hit him so he gets ready to hit back but she can’t move her arm because it’s so squashy. I had my food at this stage so I didn’t really care what happened and as I left I yelled something to her but can’t remember what now lol. We were that hungry that John put a special chicken burger inside his Big Mac to create a tower of burger and munched on :-). We saw the morons who caused turmoil in McDonalds and I yelled abuse at them a few times haha. When we left we had a good laugh about it and I got excited about putting it in my blog!
Paris to London Day 18
Once we go to London we all said our goodbyes and a bit later on met up with half of the group for drinks lol. We were drinking for a few hours and started getting hungry so we all started ordering food. John and I were last to order and had to wait for everybody to get their food. Everybody had finished and other people that weren’t even in the pub when we ordered were getting their food. Yep you guessed it, I was in another “I don’t give a fuck” mode. I told Adam who was sitting next to me that if we don’t get our food then I would have to complain :-). Somebody else got their food so I called the waiter over and in a cool, calm and collected tone I said to him: “I don’t mean to be rude but we ordered before those cunts and we still haven’t got our food.” I don’t think he liked my choice of words but stuff him, as he was walking off I also asked him if we would get free drinks because they forgot about us but he just ignored me haha. We got our food two minutes after though :-).
Well I hope you've enjoyed that so far. I've got a few more additions but i'll make those at a later date because there's so much already! Yasou
Love Dimitri xoxo
